Reflections on the Dark
by spottedhorse
Summary: Jim Brass reflects on A Dark, Dark House


A lot of folks are grappling with the season finale, I think. It certainly is an opportunity for some serious character study. I'm not sure any of them behaved as we wish they would. But then that would be a perfect world and at times, I think CSI does a very good job of reminding us that we are all human and therefore that's not where we live. I've read some criticisms of Brass and his actions. But I thought this was the most "in character" we've seen Brass in a long time. Like so many who live in the gray, he has his own inner compass that guides him and keeps him from becoming the evil that he persues. But that doesn't necessarily mean he always follows the letter of the law, either. I hope I captured some of what he might have been thinking and feeling. I'm interested to know what you think.

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><p>Jim Brass stared into his glass, his thoughts deep and dark. "Why did I pick up the cuffs?" he asked himself for the millionth time that day. His mind played back the scene as he swirled the last of the liquid in the bottom of his glass.<p>

He'd known something was wrong, terribly wrong, when he first laid eyes on Nate Haskell's body. The man had been beaten badly. But that was the least of it; there'd been marks, ligature marks around his wrists that indicated the man had been cuffed. For some reason, Jim had cuffed him with his own cuffs. Jim huffed out a deep breath as he remembered that. What would that accomplish? The man was dead. But he'd done it anyway…out of habit? Or just because he had such a bad feeling about the whole situation that he was spooked… Besides, Haskell had a way of surprising you…

Jim couldn't ever remember being more frightened than when he was preparing to enter the room. It wasn't that he thought Ray would shoot him or anything; if Ray was still alive. And he'd certainly entered countless numbers of rooms before. But there was an evil that lurked in that house, something dark and sinister that chilled him in his bones. Never had he felt that kind of evil before, never….

Jim reached over and refilled his glass from the bottle that sat atop his desk; three fingers worth, not quite a double although he felt the need for one. Maybe later, at home, he decided.

Then grimacing, he let his mind take him back to that house. What he saw when he turned the corner of that doorway would haunt him for years. Ray had been in front of Gloria, on his knees, talking softly trying to soothe her. She looked battered and broken. Haskell had done a number on her. Jim could only guess at the damage that was hidden, unseen from across the room. And that's when he knew; understanding washed over him like a cold shower. Ray had killed Nate Haskell for what he did, not to Ray but to Gloria.

And that's when he scooped up the cuffs and slid them into his pocket. Ray turned and looked at him briefly before turning back to Gloria. The anger and the hatred … the evil… that Jim saw in Ray's eyes would be something he'd never forget.

Staring into his glass again, Jim wondered what he would have done if he'd been in Ray's shoes. But deep down in his gut, he already knew. If that had been the woman he loved, the love of his life, no force on earth could have kept him off of Haskell. Jim understood the anger, the rage that drove Ray to do what he did. In that, the two men were not very different.

It was a gray area, the one that Jim had propelled himself into by picking up the cuffs. Oh, it was illegal, no question about that and he was sworn to uphold the law. If the truth ever surfaced, he'd lose his job and probably go to prison. But sometimes there are higher laws…a different morality. Ray, the criminalist, should not have killed the suspect. But Ray, the man, how could he be expected to act any differently?

And what was his responsibility in all of this. If Jim hadn't arranged for Grissom to sit in on Ray's class, Ray would have gone on teaching and lecturing. Haskell would have been a bad memory for him by now. Instead, they…he and Grissom, brought the evil world of Nate Haskell raining down on Ray's shoulders.

Jim shrugged. But Ray did make his own choices. And it was pretty obvious from his obsession with Haskell and his actions in LA that he was out of control. But still…

Jim's mind fluttered back to his own ex-wife. Nancy had done a number on him, shredding him in everyway possible. And the best he could muster for her anymore was ambivalence. But what if that had been her in that dark room? Or Annie? Or Catherine or Sara…or even Ellie? What if the woman in that room had been any of the women that he'd cared for in his life? Would he have reacted that way? Jim closed his eyes to a gray fog. Maybe…maybe not. But whatever he did; however he handled it, he hoped an understanding friend would have his back.

The Law…Law Enforcement… sometimes it was as clear, as black and white as the paint on the patrol units. A lot of times it was murky and you held to the rule of law as your guidepost… your way of staying on the right, true path. And other times, occasionally, it was so dark, so murky that all you could do was cling to what your instinct told you was right. And for a man to protect his people, that was right. That's what Ray did. Because both men knew that to arrest Haskell, to try him again and send him to prison again, that would only have meant more harassment, more threats, more danger for Ray and his family. Yeah, Ray was protecting his own. And as Jim swallowed the last drops of the amber liquid, he was satisfied that that's what he had done too.

Sometimes a man has to do what he thinks is right, no matter what anyone else says. And punishing Ray for what he had done would be wrong. Jim knew Ray well enough to know he'd punish himself for it. Nope, no need to look back, nothing to regret. It was a lesson he'd learned years ago on the streets back in Jersey. A real man takes care of his own.


End file.
